The Day I found out my Mother has Cancer

It was November 19th 2017

I stopped by my Mothers house to use some WIFI. When I walked in the garage door my mom was on the phone talking to someone but she was also bawling her eyes out. So I went inside and messaged her telling her that even though I don’t live there anymore she can always still talk to me.

She told me to come out to the garage where she was sitting when I first walked in the door. The thing that she didn’t know is that I am a very snoopy daughter. I ended up reading a text from my mother to my grandmother. It went something like “don’t tell the kids anything until I am sure of it” So me being my, I though the worst before I even knew anything at all. At first I thought it was lung cancer due to her smoking so much. I hid that since I saw the message for about four days until my mom finally told me what she thought was happening.

Now I am a lot like my mother, she thought the worst before she was even diagnosed with stage 4 Metastatic Cholangiocarcinoma. Now remember how I said I kind of already knew? Well when she sat me down she was explaining that the doctors may have found some cancer cells. As soon as she said “Can…” I already knew.

You know that feeling when you get told some real bad news and your heart kind of drops and you realize what she said but you cant move or speak and you just start to shake and cry like you have never cried before. That was what my day was like. It still hasn’t gotten better for my mom, my family or me.

My One True Love

Randolph S.B

I was thinking today about how much I love you, and how I really don’t tell you that enough. So, I want you to sit down and let me tell how truly in love with you I really am.

I still remember the moment when I walked got out of Cliffs car, with no ignition of meeting anyone.  You were sitting right near the house, no drink in your hand nor near you then also with a smoke in your hand. At first glance I found you a mystery, I knew immediately that I had to meet you.

I was totally tongue tied when I approached you. So, I just asked you for a lighter. I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted to see if you seemed interested in starting a conversation with me, although that didn’t work since you’re very shy. That day at the bonfire I knew that I had to be with you, and I would make sure it happened.

That same night I was so excited that you answered my message and came to Wiarton to come hang out with me because you knew I needed someone. When you told me, you knew I needed someone I fell in love with you. Right there at that very moment. I knew you cared, and It made me feel so loved.

Now look at us, we are 9 months into our relationship, and I love every single bit of it. No relationship is perfect, no person is perfect but there is imperfect perfection and that is the category I would put our relationship in. I love everything about you! I’m not going to name everything I love about you because when I say everything, I mean literally everything little and big thing about you I love.

You truly complete me. These last 9 months have been the happiest of my life. I can’t tell you enough how lucky I feel to always have you by my side. I will always love you, no matter what happens and no matter how many obstacles, I will be true and faithful to you forever and always!

You are my best friend and soul mate and I will love you until death do us part.

I love you forever and always,
Love, Tamera Downs

Welcoming

Welcome to my very first blog!

I’m going to start off by saying that I love writing. Everyone who knows me, knows that before I went into a giant depression I would be writing almost every single day. I got my writing skills from my mother, Michelle. She was such an amazing writer. The way she use to write would make someone want to sit in their seats without movement until the end of her journal, essay, book or blog. No matter what she would draw the readers attention right before the first sentence even ends.

I feel as though the way I write is to express how I feel. I am terrible at expressing my feeling/emotions so instead I write them down and leave them in a box or on a shelf away from everyone and for sure myself.

For an example of what I mean by store away from myself/others, I use to write a lot like every single day same as my mother, but then my mother ending up being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it seemed as though I just didn’t have the motivation. Once I gained some motivation back instead of writing happiness and adventure I was writing about the ways I am going to deal with the future to come and how I was dealing with the emotions and things going through my head during the times I was writing while bawling my eyes out.

My mother ended up passing July 2nd, 2018.. From that day to now I haven’t been writing like I use to and when I do I don’t exactly enjoy it as much as I did because I feel like I just don’t have much more to look forward to anymore. Lets hope that I can gain back my writing skills through this blog and through everyone else who supports me.

Tamera Downs